Born a Crime

Born a Crime: Stories from a South African Childhood
On Sale November 15, 2016 by Spiegel & Grau
Rating: ★★★★

Trevor Noah was the only white kid in the black neighborhood, the only black kid in the white neighborhood, and the only mixed-race kid in the colored neighborhood. He didn't always know where he fit in, but he always knew who he was.

Noah was born in South Africa while it was still under the system of apartheid. He is the product of a black woman from the Xhosa tribe and a white Swiss father, who broke the racial purity laws that could have landed them in jail for several years if their "crime" of having a son together were ever discovered. Noah spent the first couple years of his life hiding indoors, his family not wanting to attract too much attention or have people asking questions. 

More than anything, this book is a coming of age story, set on a backdrop of insane social and political injustice. The star of the story is not the author himself, but his mother-- a no-nonsense and deeply religious woman who was determined to raise her son to be able to withstand the harsh treatment he'd get from the world.

I'm going to be honest: I didn't think this book was all that funny. That didn't surprise me, because I don't find Noah funny on The Daily Show. That said, this book contains occasional gems like this:

"But the more we went to church and the longer I sat in those pews the more I learned about how Christianity works: If you're a Native American and you pray to the wolves, you're a savage. If you're African and you pray to your ancestors, you're a savage. But when white people pray to a guy who turns water to wine, well, that's just common sense."

However, I really did enjoy his insider view of apartheid and the transition years right afterward. It's the larger perspective that earns this book my recommendation.

The Sound of Gravel

The Sound of Gravel: A Memoir, by Ruth Wariner
Published January 5, 2016 by Flatiron Books
Rating: ★★★★★

Holy Moses, this book just about destroyed me.

This book isn't a TLC show, and readers going into with a certain sense of schadenfreude about polygamist compounds are going to be disappointed. In the end, this is a tale of what happens when people pursue selfish desires (like religious fervor, ideological purity, and attention from a lover) over the well being of their children. The themes that prevail throughout this book hit a lot closer to home than LeBaron, Mexico.

LeBaron is the remote location Ruth Wariner's grandfather, Alma LeBaron, chose as the home for his polygamist cult. The Firstborns, as the group becomes known, believed the modern Mormon church had lost its way, and that polygamist marriage was one of God's most important decrees, as well as the only path to salvation. They refer to the United States as Babylon, and they feel God will sweep down from the heavens any day now to smote it. No surprise the group feels safer in Mexico-- and it doesn't hurt that government officials down there turn a blind eye to their polygamist and child bride practices.

Ruth never knew her father, who was at the time of his death considered the great prophet of the church. He was murdered just months after she was born, at the hands of his own brother in a family-feud-turned-holy-war. Her mother remarries her stepfather, Lane, and Ruth never ever feels comfortable around him. Her young instincts will turn out to be devastatingly correct.

Life is always turbulent as Ruth grows up. Her mother and Lane fight a lot, and Ruth can't understand why her mother keeps having babies with him. Unfortunately, several of Ruth's siblings have mental and physical disabilities of varying degrees. It's not an easy challenge to face in any situation, but Ruth's family also has the burden of being dirt poor and living area with no doctors and no social services. They struggle to survive without even the basics-- no electricity or indoor pluming, no telephone, inadequate food. Her family moves around a lot-- in one hovel more cramped than the next-- and when they are in Mexico, they still have to come back to the US frequently to claim benefits. As a "single mother," Ruth's mother collect food stamps and other types of taxpayer aid. The Firstborns see nothing wrong with living off the teat of Babylon.

I was definitely left with mixed feelings about Ruth's mother. You could tell she loved her children, but she wasn't willing to fight for them when it counted. It seemed like the more children she had, the more pressure put on her by the polygamist compound lifestyle, the more she lost her free-thinking spirit. It's hard to understand why she put so much faith in Lane when he made a fool of her time and time again, and why she didn't protect her children more. But then I have to wonder she owned total responsibility for her actions when she was so brainwashed and beat down.

Through this tumultuous tale, it becomes ever more clear that Ruth is a survivor. She endures more suffering and loss than most and does so with admirable strength. By the end of the book, I was at the edge of my seat, waiting to see if she would escape the cult. I don't think I've come across a memoir where I felt so invested in seeing the author getting a happy ending. I highly recommend this.

Coming Clean

I don't normally post reviews for books published this long ago, but with this being available on Amazon's new Prime Reading, I thought it was appropriate. Also, I liked this book a lot, and wanted to share it.

Coming Clean, by Kimberly Rae Miller
Published July 23, 2013 by New Harvest
Rating: ★★★★

For a book about a child growing up in a hoarding environment, I found this to be surprisingly tragic. Like many others, I'm addicted the popular tv shows that feature, and some might argue exploit, this mental health issue. If you look around online, it's not hard to find articles and forum comments that are very judgmental, and often times vicious, toward the people who appear on these shows. It's not uncommon for viewers to suggest that watching Hoarders is inspiration to clean their own homes. It's easy to forget that these are human beings-- not motivational tools.

Kimberly Rae Miller puts a very human face on the issue of hoarding. Her father has no memories of his childhood, at all. His parents were hard-core alcoholics and whatever happened to him in his youth was protectively erased by his brain. Her mother grew up unloved by neglectful parents. She suffers with an extreme spinal condition because her parent's couldn't be bothered to get her a back brace as a child. Kimberly's father starts as the catalyst for the hoarding situation. He's fond of papers, any paper, and radios. Their house quickly fills of them. Her mother is angry at the mess, but also ultimately resigned to it. She eventually becomes a compulsive shopper who adds to the hoard.

The hoard slowly takes over the family's life. Their first house burns down in a fire, spurred on by the mounds of paper, killing all the family pets. Her parents separate for a time, partly to keep CPS from discovering their true living conditions. The boiler explodes, and they have to start taking weekly showers at a local gym. Then they discover a surprise living in their attic, the reveal of which literally had me screeching at my Kindle.

This is a very well-written memoir, better than many I've read from professional writers. The author is likable and down to earth. I think some people will be confused, maybe even put off, by her forgiving nature to her parents. But I get it. My interest in hoarding actually comes from my husband's family-- both he and his mother have hoarding tendencies. Yet, I grew up in a dysfunctional environment, and I could relate to every inner struggle with her parents. I wish her the best of luck going forward and dealing with her parents as they continue to age.

Why Not Me?

Why Not Me? by Mindy Kaling

Published September 27, 2016 by Three Rivers Press

Rating: ★★★★

If there were such a thing as celebrity soul mates, I'd like to think mine would be Mindy Kaling. Because that's the kind of person Kaling is: graduate of an Ivy League college, writer/actor for two successful tv shows, author of two books... and so down-to-earth that a yokel like me can think, "yeah, sure, we could totally be friends." Because Kaling for sure has nothing better to do than call me up and vent over why no one has thought to make a hair iron with auto shutoff (Kaling's number one fear is accidentally having left hers on-- hear, hear).*

I read Kaling's first book, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?, and I think her second effort is better. One thing she didn't devote much page space to is body image-- or rather the media obsession with her shockingly average figure and the expectation that Kaling be an ambassador of body positivity just for daring to appear on television while a size 10.

"If I were your doctor or your congresswoman or your sandwich artist, you wouldn't be shocked to see me, and yet, because I'm an actress, a grown man was amazed that I put jam on my toast."

A lot of Kaling's writing is irreverent, random, but entertaining and relatable. She worries that her Uber driver is a serial murderer, and wonders if all the hair she pulls out of her shower drain means she's on the fast tract to wigsville. She can't sleep because she's fretting over the early-stage cancers that could be living inside her, undetected. She takes a theater-hating friend to the theater and expects the evening to end with a thank you gift. She imagines what her life would be like if she had become a Latin teacher and writes romantic comedies starring her alter ego.

I could live without the dating escapades that seem required of these types of memoirs. Kaling's outlook on romance and dating is cringe worthy. While Kaling aspires to write the next great romantic comedy, I think what this book proves is that her real genius is in brilliant one liners and self-aware satire.

"My sense of humor is loud and wet and risque, like topless day at the water park."

Kaling also wants you to know that she works hard. Really hard. And she has a message for America-- even mothers. It's ok to work really hard. And if you want to inspire confidence in your daughter, you should focus on her work ethic. 

"It's just that, the truth is, I have never, ever, ever met a highly confident and successful person who is not what a movie would call a 'workaholic.'"

This isn't exactly a life changing book, but it's fun, and heads and tails above its many competitors in the suddenly crowded female-comedy-writer-who-struggles-to-find-husband memoir genre.

* I have made my husband turn around the car more times than I can count because I'm worried I've left on the hair iron. Seriously, people, auto shutoff. Someone get on this.

I received a copy of this book courtesy of Blogging for Books. It did not effect my review in any way.

For the Love of Money: A Memoir

Author: Sam Polk
Publisher: Scribner
Release Date: 7/19/16
Version Reviewed: digital ARC via NetGalley
Rating: ★★★

It took thirty years for Sam Polk to learn a valuable lesson: there's never *enough* to fill the void. Never enough money, never enough sex, never enough praise, never enough accomplishments. If you have a hole inside, nothing on the outside call fill it. Not that Polk didn't spend about a decade trying. After graduating Columbia, he rose up the ranks of investment banking. But there was always something just out of his reach. One year he earned a bonus of nearly 4 million dollars, but his old insecurities of being undervalued and unappreciated resurfaced, causing him to fly into a rage. He'd hit his breaking point. How did he get to the point where 4 million dollars wasn't *enough*? After dedicating his entire adult life to the mass accumulation of wealth, Polk decided to make a change.

This is an honest, naked memoir, which, despite the title, is more about Polk as a human being rather than a larger statement on greed and Wall Street. There were times I wanted to hug Polk and times I wanted to throttle him. Mostly, I just felt sorry for him. I don't think I'll ever forget the passage about the death of his poor childhood dog, OJ. Polk is a classic addictive personality, and I'm not convinced he has the greatest perspective on it. He blames his excesses on both his father and the Wall Street "culture," but I think a lot of it is just him. While Polk tries to get a grip on his demon with the help of a "spiritualist" whose sole "credentials" are a Native American heritage, I would strongly recommend a licensed therapist to those who find themselves in similar shoes.

I'm disappointed this book isn't as much about economics and Wall Street as I'd assumed, but Polk makes his life a compelling story.

Coming Soon: You'll Grow Out of It

Title: You'll Grow Out of It
Author: Jessi Klein
Publisher: Grand Central
Release Date: 7/12/16
Version Reviewed: digital ARC courtesy of NetGalley
Rating: ★★★

I didn't who Jessi Klein was before picking up this book. Still don't, really. What attracted me to this memoir was book blurb-- a woman who feels like she's on the outside of femininity, looking in. Even though I was hardly a tom boy (or tom man, to use the author's phrase), I also had/have no interested in typical girly things-- and my mother has been in the fits of anxiety about it for the last three decades. I thought I would find Klein's writing relatable and funny. And sometimes I did. But other times I wasn't sure I could stand one more page about the author's depressing sex life and relationships. 

I had sort of a love-hate relationship with this book, chuckling out loud at some parts and left cold by others. Much to my disappointment, only a small portion is about the aforementioned phenomenon of the grown up tom boy. Most of the book is about her failed relationships. All these comedienne memoirs are starting to run together for me. It feels like they've all dated (and complained about) the same exact men. I think I might have enjoyed this book more had I not read Bossypants only a month earlier. There's nothing in here that Tina Fey can't, and didn't, do better.

You'll Grow Out of It is basically a funny rerun of other books.