The Sound of Gravel

The Sound of Gravel: A Memoir, by Ruth Wariner
Published January 5, 2016 by Flatiron Books
Rating: ★★★★★

Holy Moses, this book just about destroyed me.

This book isn't a TLC show, and readers going into with a certain sense of schadenfreude about polygamist compounds are going to be disappointed. In the end, this is a tale of what happens when people pursue selfish desires (like religious fervor, ideological purity, and attention from a lover) over the well being of their children. The themes that prevail throughout this book hit a lot closer to home than LeBaron, Mexico.

LeBaron is the remote location Ruth Wariner's grandfather, Alma LeBaron, chose as the home for his polygamist cult. The Firstborns, as the group becomes known, believed the modern Mormon church had lost its way, and that polygamist marriage was one of God's most important decrees, as well as the only path to salvation. They refer to the United States as Babylon, and they feel God will sweep down from the heavens any day now to smote it. No surprise the group feels safer in Mexico-- and it doesn't hurt that government officials down there turn a blind eye to their polygamist and child bride practices.

Ruth never knew her father, who was at the time of his death considered the great prophet of the church. He was murdered just months after she was born, at the hands of his own brother in a family-feud-turned-holy-war. Her mother remarries her stepfather, Lane, and Ruth never ever feels comfortable around him. Her young instincts will turn out to be devastatingly correct.

Life is always turbulent as Ruth grows up. Her mother and Lane fight a lot, and Ruth can't understand why her mother keeps having babies with him. Unfortunately, several of Ruth's siblings have mental and physical disabilities of varying degrees. It's not an easy challenge to face in any situation, but Ruth's family also has the burden of being dirt poor and living area with no doctors and no social services. They struggle to survive without even the basics-- no electricity or indoor pluming, no telephone, inadequate food. Her family moves around a lot-- in one hovel more cramped than the next-- and when they are in Mexico, they still have to come back to the US frequently to claim benefits. As a "single mother," Ruth's mother collect food stamps and other types of taxpayer aid. The Firstborns see nothing wrong with living off the teat of Babylon.

I was definitely left with mixed feelings about Ruth's mother. You could tell she loved her children, but she wasn't willing to fight for them when it counted. It seemed like the more children she had, the more pressure put on her by the polygamist compound lifestyle, the more she lost her free-thinking spirit. It's hard to understand why she put so much faith in Lane when he made a fool of her time and time again, and why she didn't protect her children more. But then I have to wonder she owned total responsibility for her actions when she was so brainwashed and beat down.

Through this tumultuous tale, it becomes ever more clear that Ruth is a survivor. She endures more suffering and loss than most and does so with admirable strength. By the end of the book, I was at the edge of my seat, waiting to see if she would escape the cult. I don't think I've come across a memoir where I felt so invested in seeing the author getting a happy ending. I highly recommend this.